There will come a day when you realize how little your parents were able to provide for you. It happens to most first-generation college students. I want you to take that moment and turn it into motivation to be more. Yes, to be more aware, more hard-working, more ambitious, just more than what you think you are right now.
The common denominator for this social class epiphany will be your exposure to a world outside your own. I want you to embrace the moment for what it truly is: an opportunity for growth.
How you come to this moment will depend on your circumstances. Chances are your moment will come with a side of thinking, “Wow, I didn’t even know that was possible”. It could happen as you listen to your college peers recount impressive travel experiences. It might be you start to notice the dorm food offerings don’t match the food you are used to eating. Picture staring at buffet offerings with these names: couscous, quinoa, faro, black rice, artichokes, grilled chicken, tofu, veggie burger, etc… Can you picture yourself thinking, “where are the rice and beans to go with this piece of chicken?”. The moment might be more straight forward and come from living with a roommate that got her a brand-new car as her graduation gift. A car she gushes about every second she can. When you realize you have less than others, and in whichever way it shows up, I want you to stay strong and focus on the type wealth your upbringing gave you.
There is power in knowing your station in life. Let me illustrate my point with a personal anecdote. My defining moment happened when I was twelve years old.
We had just migrated to the USA and my mom was working three part-time jobs for $4.25/hr. I used to sit and watch my mom’s budgeting sessions. The math always came down to a few cents left after rent, car insurance, gas, utilities, food, and meds for my grandparents were factored into her wages. We were lucky to have $0.25 left over. It was enraging to see my mom work 12 hours a day to only be able to provide us with a shack for which she paid $150 in monthly rent.
As sad and gut-wrenching as the memory is, I know that it was powerful. You see, the power lied in knowing that I did not want to struggle to make ends meet as an adult, so I set about changing my life circumstances by focusing on what I could control: my academic achievements.
I want you to do the same. Do not let your focus turn negative because you realized you are poor and your peers are wealthier; instead use that as motivation. I want you to focus on improving your circumstances by training your thoughts to dream big and then finding ways to turn those dreams into a reality. You can do this with a positive attitude, because attitude is more important than aptitude in life.
Your upbringing will not limit your potential unless you believe it will. To quote the great Mahatma Gandhi, “Carefully watch your thoughts, for they become your words. Manage and watch your words, for they will become your actions. Consider and judge your actions, for they have become your habits. Acknowledge and watch your habits, for they shall become your values. Understand and embrace your values, for they become your destiny.” Watch the thoughts and words that you assign to your station in life. The adjectives you use are loaded with assumptions: poor, blue-collar, white-trash, etc. Find the right adjective, work it to your advantage by listing the great qualities often found among your social class. Take ownership of those qualities.
You might belong to the blue-collar class of cashiers, waiters, waitresses, stockers, janitors, housekeepers, and other low-wage workers that struggle daily to afford the basics in life. This might make your roots humble but your character strong and resilient. The strengths of your upbringing are knowing how to work hard for what you want, how to make do with less, being responsible for your academics at an early age, and knowing how to cater to the needs of others. All are skills that employers look for and value in young employees. Keep these skills sharp and cite them when you look for your first job.
Struggling in life, enduring lost, facing hardships and living to see another day has made you a gritty person. Use that grit, the strength to find a path through adversity, to find a way to make your life better. However, be mindful of the qualities you will need to conquer so you may thrive in a profession. Refine those qualities so that you may move through the professional ranks. If your legal status will keep you from seeking a college education, then harness your skills to start your own service business. Work for a service business and learn what customers expect. Master offering customers great service and then venture to offer your own services for hire. Venture to grow a company of 10 employees, then 20, and keep growing it as opportunities arise. Opportunities show up for those who are ready to embrace them.
Most of your weaknesses will be in what are called “social graces.” This means that you will need to be extra vigilant to what you say and do around those raised in wealthier homes so that you don’t end up in a humiliating situation and become laughing stock. To quote Garth Brook’s song Friends in Low Places, “Blame it all on my roots, I showed up in boots, and ruined your black-tie affair.” Avoid situations in which you will not know how to act, and if you can’t avoid them, then learn to be invisible in them. Observe and learn from your peer interactions how to act around before engaging their attention in conversation. You will need to remain vigilant throughout your career to avoid having others use your words to tarnish your reputation.
You have the power to change your life. Your thoughts are powerful. Believe in your dreams, fight for them, hold on to them, and do not let people tell you they are impossible. Great men and women are remembered for not giving up their dreams despite the fact life laid many obstacles in their paths. You can rise above any challenge if you believe you can. Good luck to you on your path. I will be here to cheer you on.
Your life coach,
Kimberly
