I was once very successful at making big dreams happen, but that was only because I had my village behind me: my mom and my sisters. You see, my mom is a woman of extraordinary grit that taught me to go after my dreams, no matter how big or far away, because she knew that hard work was the key to a better life. She was right. I was a teenager that dreamed she was smart enough to get into Harvard despite attending a low-income school, being a first-generation immigrant and speaking very limited English with a very thick accent. I dreamed big, did my research, faced my financial reality, and set out to work my hardest to accomplish my dream of attending one of the Top 5 universities in the nation. Why did I limit my aim to this impossibly select group? These schools offered “need-blind” admissions; meaning the financial aid package would cover my tuition, room and board without hefty student loan options once I was admitted. I knew mom could not afford the tuition. She made, at most, $17,000 working three part time jobs from 5:00 am to 10:00 pm every day of the week.
Once I narrowed my aim, I did a lot of research and got to work on checking off the ideal candidate boxes. I joined the Cross-Examination Debate team to force myself to start speaking the language. I attended free summer camps every year to help me advance my academics. I begged my sister to buy me reference test prep books to practice on my own and figure out how to get a high score; we could not afford the private tutors. I devoted myself to several extracurricular activities and basically had “no life” other than studying and doing the work for my extracurricular duties. Nonetheless, I loved being busy and working hard because I knew that every day I did, my chances of landing a big scholarship were that much closer.
You see, it sounds like I did all of that myself -the truth is that the work part I did- but it is also true that the reason I was able to channel my energy and drive on my academics is that my sisters were there helping every step of the way. My oldest sister worked and helped my mom with the utility bills, so I never had to work a part time job to help out with the expenses. My middle sister played the role of a middle-class mom by waking up at 5:00 am to make breakfast and take me to my band or debate activities; only to pick me up past midnight after band practices or out-of-town trips. She took care of all household chores so that I may come home to eat dinner and then lock myself away to work on my extracurricular duties: researching for debate, practicing for UIL band contests, or balancing the sheets for our class fundraisers. You see, they were the money and work behind me, my village, that despite the fact we lived below the poverty line, helped me make the best of the opportunities offered at school. Had my sister decided to go to the local community college, I would have had to do more at home, which would have meant doing less at school. If my oldest sister had chosen to buy a car, then I might have had to work a part-time job.
You see, every person has a village, and like Maya Angelou told Oprah once, “you have been paid for”. My success was mine, but it was also paid for by my sisters and mom. I did not get into Harvard despite making it to the waitlist. However, all the hard work paid off as I got admitted to Stanford! I managed to pull off the means to the dream. I got tuition, room and board covered in their financial aid package. All I had to figure out was airfare and college books!
Going to Stanford marked the start of the most challenging and rewarding chapter in my life. I was unable to afford what most people around me could and my academic preparation was sub-par to that of my peers. I was a poor first-generation student at Stanford University, with a full-ride scholarship, and for the four years I lacked the courage to share my truth. The fear of sharing how poor I really was kept me from seeking out certain opportunities, and I blame no one but my shame and fear. I want your experiences to be different.
You, my friend, might find that you are facing financial or emotional challenges during your college years or early career all alone. You may feel that things are very hard and that there is no one that may understand your plight. How many students can understand what it’s like to not have any money left after financial aid runs out? How many can relate to the fact that your family cannot lend you money to cover the deposit plus first and last month’s rent for a bedroom after graduation? Who can relate to having to work to send money home because mom is sick? How do you even share that kind of information? Enter Kim, your life coach for those hard times. Let’s start with my first series of posts: The Life Habits That Will Make You or Break You. Look for my guide to good grooming, the most important lifelong habit, in the next post.
Your life-coach hopeful,
Kim
